My First Mother’s Day Without

May 13, 2007 § 5 Comments

My Resday was May 15th 2006, just 2 weeks after I found out my mother had stage 3 Pancreatic Cancer. My grandmother was still recovering from Gall Bladder cancer but they were pretty sure they had gotten all of it. For those fortunate not to have a close relationship with cancer, there are only 4 stages. They gave her a year, she died in August.Second Life was my escape during that time. I took solace in an obsession with fantasy fashion where I had never cared at all for the real thing. I spent hours shaping my avatar, looking for the perfect hair color, trying to find eyes that matched my own.

The amazing Relay for Life drive that was going on helped me deal with the guilt. My mother lived 4 hours away. I wanted to be there but knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it emotionally. My family thought I should quit my job and move back to take care of her but Mom wanted me to stay where I was so she would know I’d still have a life when she was gone. So I stayed like a coward and immersed myself in SL and bought pretty much all the Relay for Life stuff I could find. Participating in the drive made me feel like I was helping even though I couldn’t be with her.

During all of this, my other grandmother had a stomach blockage removed that they discovered was also cancer. They’ve finally decided that she’s not going to need chemo but she spent all Christmas reminiscing. Wondering if it was going to be her last.

I haven’t mentioned yet that my father has cancer too because he’s had it for 15 years. It the kind where the complications are what actually kill you. He’ll be around for at least another year. Could be 5 but I’m not sure about 10. He misses my mom too much. Ironic since they’d been divorced for 30 years but they made better friends.

It’s been a year of firsts: first birthday without, first Thanksgiving without, first Christmas (she loved Christmas) …

I never expected Mother’s Day to hit me as hard as it has.

It’s Mother’s Day and I don’t have one.



§ 5 Responses to My First Mother’s Day Without

  • madison says:

    /me hugs Amelia. I too am dealing with both parents with cancer, having lost one and the other surviving. My Grandfather (leukemia), Aunt (leukemia), Uncle (stomach), StepDad (bladder), Grandmother (colon)….

    Amelia, Relay is truly a way that we can as a community come together to fight the disease, share hope, and remember lost loved ones.

    I know it can’t be not easy to share your personal story and I am proud that you use such a public venue to do so. I hope others will be moved and mobilize to join in the cause.

    Yours in the fight,
    Madison Donnelly

  • Oh my i read your post and couldnt hold back my tears im sorry to hear that but your mother is with you everyday i really believe this. In my family is a history of cancer too its a cruel and horrible disease and i totally agree lets support Relay for Life its wonderful that we can do that through SL
    im really sorry for my bad english but i hope youre fine and that you keep your head up in RL and SL ….i know you will

  • Kit Maitland says:

    It’s hard to know what to say to someone at a time like this…words never seem adequate…but I’m so, so sorry for you loss Amelia…and I know how difficult today must be.

    Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing with us…and reminding us that we can all make a difference.

    Claudine is right you know…your mother will always be with you…in everything you do and accomplish, she lives on.

    *huge hugs*


  • I’m so sorry to hear this, Amelia. 😦 My mother’s dead, too, but the circumstances were very different.

  • Amelia Book says:

    Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. Today has been difficult but your help has made it easier.

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